Right now, I have 2 - let's make that 1 - "dream" job with an open application. The one I just lost out on was a perfect fit, or so I thought. It's really hard to deal with employment rejection, especially when you know you're perfectly qualified for the position. That's exactly what happened in this case, and I took it really hard.
It was an entry-level position, so I wasn't looking for anything too specialized. It was in a location that not many people would find hospitable or fun, but I spent a lot of summers there and it's been my dream to live there. I was going to be doing fieldwork that is a passion, and I honestly believed I had a chance. That's probably why it stings so much.
The agency accepts all of its applications through an online system - it's a little buggy - so I even followed up to make sure they received them. Which they didn't. One document was missing, so the office manager asked me to email it to her directly, even acknowledging that the system has its downfalls.
With it being a branch of a government entity, the wheels move slowly. I wasn't surprised to see, 30 days later, that my application was still "under review." But I emailed the nice lady and asked her if they needed any additional information from me or whatever. She said no, but that her boss had been busy with other things and they'd be looking to interview soon. I expressed my anticipation, mentioning that my lease was almost up and I had begun packing to move on to my next adventure anyway, that I was ready to be there as soon as they needed me if they chose me.
I was excited. I started preparing for the call and even making plans to travel the 9+ hours to the location if I had to. I told everyone how excited I was at the probability of getting an interview and trying to work out logistics for moving an entire freaking house, a storage unit, 3 dogs, and 3 cars.
And then I got the standard rejection form-letter email.
(Note: I am REALLY happy I GOT an email, considering that doesn't usually happen, I just wish it had been a notice of advancement through the system)
(Let me also add in that, in their system, an applicant can see all the jobs for which they've applied - they never drop off - AND, so can all the potential employers. So they get to see how many of them I've applied for, what they were, and the mounting number of 'not hired's on my list)
I cried. I got angry. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I just drank a bottle of wine instead. The guy from a few posts ago - oh, we'll get into that one next time - tried to make me feel better but it just wasn't helping and I was crying too much for it to be a good thing for either of us, so I didn't talk to him long.
Knowing that I qualified for the job above what their requirements were, well, it shook me. My self-confidence dropped even lower than it already was, I am second-guessing everything I do, write, or say in regards to employment stuff and - why lie about it? - I feel like the biggest failure and a total waste of space.
I was so upset, it had me tossing around some pretty ridiculous ideas.
While the title may have suggested that I was going to offer some advice in this post, I am not. I have none. I am still just as upset now as I was 5 minutes after I read the email (for the 3rd time) and really understood what it was saying.
I'm lost and drifting, and the only thing I have going for me is clinging onto a minute chunk of hope that this other job - in the same basic location but with a totally different organization - may pan out.
Because I can't seem to make anything come together, I am...
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