Light Material - Products I Lurve

I'm way too depressed about work to to into any significant or deep stuff. So I won't. I'm going to make a list of products I absolutely love or can't live without. Whee!

•  Playtex Tampons - I know this is a very personal choice, but these are my favorite. There's really just one reason: the way it expands. The cotton is curved on the bottom so it doesn't rip out your tender insides as its being removed, like several other tampon brands do because they're squared off.
• Levis 504 Tilted Jeans - Levis is notorious for fucking up my jeans. In other words, they like to discontinue and/or change the styles I love. My personal favorite was when they added Lycra to my favorite style. Anyway, this is the new style I really like. They're "good butt jeans."
• Paul Mitchell Super Strength and Super Skinny Hair Stuff - I use both of these back and forth. Since I have used both of these, my hair has grown longer and has taken on a much smoother texture. I never believed that shampoo and conditioner would make a difference - after all, your hair is technically dead cells - but this totally worked.
• Hellman's Mayonnaise - This is the mayonnaise called "Best Foods" on the west side of the Rockies, but it's great. I love real mayo, and Kraft isn't it. I have to be in the mood for Miracle Whip, and the two are NOT interchangeable, despite what some sandwich shops may think.
• Armor All - The original Armor All is the best protectant that ever did exist. There have been many new detailing companies that have tried to duplicate it, but you just can't. There is a 'low shine' version, too, which I like as well. It's less sticky = less dog hair sticks to my dash.
• Pepto-Bismol - I realize so many people think it's gross, but I love it. The original flavor, too, not the cherry. Generic brands don't even compare. This stuff makes my tummy feel better almost instantly, and I really hate tummy aches, so that's important.
• Charmin Ultra Strong - This is embarrassing, but oh well. One thing I really, really, really hate about toilet paper is that it comes apart. I absolutely hate finding those little tiny white balls of paper in my underwear. I have more of a problem with it up front, ahem, and it makes me sick. Charmin's Ultra Strong TP doesn't come apart or ball up like the other stuff when it gets wet. That means no little white balls of paper. Yay.
• Juicy Couture Boy-Cut Panties - I am SO not a Juicy person. I make fun of Juicy people. Their clothes are so disgusting! Except for one thing: their boy cut panties. They are - hands down - the most comfy and well-fitting panties I've ever had the pleasure of wearing. My mother gave them as a present one year and now I insist on them. They're pricey, I think: A 3-pack for $36, but I'm lucky in that I have an outlet store nearby, so I just get the "last edition" of them.
• Verizon Wireless - They've begun pissing me off as of late with their refusal to work on fixing a billing problem. Prior to that, however, there was never a single customer service problem, and their service reliability and coverage is far superior to any other service I've used.
• Frizz-Ease - Anything. Absolutely anything in this product line is better than nothing at all. I love the leave-in conditioner and the emergency repair treatment.
• Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine Anti-Humidity Smoothing Milk - I hate Garnier, as a rule. I bought this stuff just to take over to Troy's and keep there in case of an emergency. Well, there was an emergency and the stuff worked like a charm. I live in SE Texas - our humidity is legendary and unbearable. This stuff works. Trust me.
• BF Goodrich Tires for Trucks / Hoosiers and Toyos for racing - I've tried all kinds of all-terrain tires, mudders, you name it, but I like BFGs the most. They don't have the longest life but, fuck, it's an off-roadable tire. What do you expect? The road noise is quieter than the tires that came stock on my Jeep Wrangler and I they're just really durable. They don't get chopped on the edges the way my others have. Hoosier slicks are classics and there's really no other choice. I have never actually driven on Toyos, but they seem to perform very very well. All the Spec Miatas seem to run them, and they pull better Gs and cornering than any other "normal" road racers I've watched. They seem to be a balance between performance and price.
• Evian or Fiji Water - Troy calls me a water snob. He's right. But there's a reason for it. I've always had a very sensitive palate. I mean, my tongue is very sensitive to taste. Even as a smoker, I could taste if iced tea was old when nobody else could. I could taste if someone had taken a drag off my cigarette while I wasn't looking. Similarly, if water is merely purified tap water, or RO'd public drinking water, I can taste it, and it tastes like ass. For instance, I can only drink Ozarka (which is the best of the worst) when it's ice cold. Once it starts to warm up, I simply can't drink it at all. Evian and Fiji may have solids in it - like silica and other 'dirt' - but it's not like you can see it or taste it or feel it. Evian and Fiji are the only types of water I can drink if they've warmed up and they still taste good. More expensive, but totally worth it.

I would love to keep going, because I do have quite a few more opinions. I do, however, have a meeting to attend tonight and I have to go use some of those miraculous hair products I've touted. Do you have any products you absolutely can't live without? Please share.

Warm Fuzzies

These days are quickly coming to an end.

Mornings where I'm gently prodded awake by kisses and whispers promising fresh coffee is about to be brewed. I roll over and look at him and the contrast of his tanned skin against his ice-blue bedding makes me want to hold him forever.

Mornings where I writhe around in the cloud-soft sheets as he playfully pokes me in the sides, but tells me I can sleep as late as I want at the same time. Where he collapses beside me, wraps his arms around me, and I breathe in the scent of his hair and wish the moment would never end.

Mornings where I can prop my head up while lying on my side, and observe his beautiful nakedness as he gets dressed in the early sunlight.

Mornings where I walk into his bathroom and gaze at myself in the vanity mirror, backlit by the gigantic window above the garden tub that is glowing with 9am rays. I still have on yesterday's eyeliner and mascara, and the waterproofing has kept it from being raccoon-y, but rather smokey-glamorous. I smile, knowing that the frosted window is making me look much prettier in that mirror than I will be when I walk outside, but he'll still tell me I look good.

Mornings where he carefully picks out a coffee mug for me. He first adds a little sugar, then the coffee, and, last - tops it off with ReddiWip and stirs it in as creamer. He lets mine cool a little before handing it to me.

Mornings where he checks his email, reads posts on forums, sometimes works on billing or work-related stuff, but always works on racing stuff, while I surf the Internet, check my email, fill out job application after application after application, and edit photos, side-by-side in his office.

Mornings that turn into mid-days, where we run errands together and run to my house to take care of dogs and fish, and eat lunch somewhere and just enjoy each others' company. If I'm lucky, he'll let me drive the Maxima.

Mornings that turn into mid-days, where he may go off to work at the crack of lunchtime, and we part ways in his driveway to take care of our respective business.

Soon, I will have to go back to work. In the building by 7am without fail. While this begins, his work load will slowly decrease; less of a demand for landscaping as the weather turns colder and everything dies. There probably won't be a lot of nights spent here, since there's no reason for him to wake up at 5:30, which is time for me to get ready, get to my house, and then get to work.

I hate to quote songs, especially because of the artist on this one, but she has it right: "I get so high when you're with me but crash and crave you when you leave..."

Luckily, he also recognizes that this will not be able to continue as often once I go back to work, and he's incredibly accommodating about my staying with him as often as possible right now.

I've also realized that I prefer staying at his house, despite the deepest love for my dogs, simply because it's like I'm not living my real life - the one with the house I can't pay for, the crap job, the loneliness - and it's like I'm living the life I want to have. I need to up my meds and find a way to get this to all be okay, because I AM going to have to live at my house again, despite the fact that I've already had visions of moving in together at his house.

I'm so far gone; I'm a lost cause. I am in love and it's the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. It actually seems to be built on mutual respect, caring, selflessness, and a desire to want the other to be happy. I've never lived this or felt this way before.

I would marry this man tomorrow if he asked. I cannot imagine ever living my life without him. Sometimes, when he's working on something or deeply engaged in some task, I look at him and wonder how in the holy hell I got lucky enough to have him. How in the world could there actually be someone out there that gives me what I need and is everything I want? How could there be someone so right for me that even their "flaws" aren't really flaws, but more like character traits that make them unique?

When he gets excited about something and he's in his 'zone,' or I see him get fired up over something, it energizes me. He's so full of life and thoughts and opinions and passion - I love it about him. I love watching him interact with his fellow racers and I love watching him do the things he loves to do. I love watching him do things he's good at.

I've said it a million times, but this isn't me. Going out of my way to make someone else happy, to learn to cook for them because they do it for me with such enthusiasm, doing little things I can to help make their life easier because they enrich mine so fully.

And I like it this way.

Platonic date time! Name one person on the internets (who you don't already know in person) who you would like to take on a platonic date to get to know better. Who do you choose and what would you plan?

This is too hard. I would say @jurgen_nation because I think she's so incredibly interesting and passionate, but that almost seems creepy since she sent this question! @jtzl is someone I'd love to get to know, as is @gunsandtacos. For Anastacia, I'd like to pick a quiet lounge with comfy chairs and just talk and drink! With JT, I think accompanying our dogs on a dog park play date would be fun. I'd like to go to the range with Jay and catch lunch afterward at one of his favorite roach coaches.

Ask me anything

If you had to go back and re-live high school again, what one adult skill or piece of knowledge would you want to retain to be used in this "2nd time around"?

This is the hardest question ever. I've gone over this and over this in my head for years. I would probably just tell myself to wear a seatbelt. Stupid, right? I mean, there are a million other things I could say: don't use drugs, stick with studying no matter how hard it is, don't have sex with that guy, etc. The hardest thing I've had to deal with, that's had far-reaching effects is my TMJ. It causes headaches of migraine proportion. That happened because I went through the windshield of a car. The two wrecks I was in after that just made it worse, but if I had been wearing my seatbelt that first time, the following two wouldn't have been as damaging. Now, I have serious headaches, my teeth don't line up, my jaw gets stuck open at times, and it's just generally painful.

Yep, kiddos. That's my advice for y'all and for my time-machine self: Wear your seatbelt.

Ask me anything

Wanna Run Away

I don't know why this always happens. I get incredibly depressed about my job, I start looking for a new one, and they always end up being far, far out of town.

Just about the time I find a relationship I feel is worth pursuing. And now I totally don't want to move out of town, even if I found a good job. Because I love Troy very much.

And, I told him so. He thanked me. I already knew he wasn't going to say it back, so it's not that big of a problem. It would have been a nice surprise to hear it, but, whatever.

My code enforcement officer (we don't have an HOA) left two warning notices on my door yesterday. First off, I'm annoyed that my father didn't take them off when he came last night to let out the dogs. Secondly, they were for high grass and "junk or abandoned" vehicle. Well, the Z does indeed run and drive, and fuck her for citing me. I'm not paying a fucking thing on that one if they decide to ticket me for it. The high grass thing...well, it's been raining nonstop and I'm not fucking up my lawnmower and my lawn by mowing soaking wet grass.

I've been gone for over a week, stopping by only long enough on a few days to let out the dogs and pick up my mail. I've been at Troy's for days, working on the camper I got a couple of months ago. Don't even get me started on that one...

My biggest problem with all of this is that I can't find another job. I hate the idea of going back to work in 2 weeks. The thought of having to face all those people; the kids I hate, the administrators I wish would die in a fiery blast, just knowing what I'm going to have to deal with when I return...I can't do it. I'm going to have a fucking mental breakdown.

I quit seeing my psychiatrist over an office error that they refuse to fix. I'm so tired of unprofessional people. First, they never answer the phone. By policy, every caller must leave a message in the appropriate mailbox and then the call is theoretically returned. It started with none of my calls being returned. Next, I needed a prescription refill and they dropped the ball on that bullshit 3 times. Next, I needed to cancel an appointment and their phones were out for some reason and they had an answering service take a message which was, surprise, never returned. I specifically said I needed to cancel the appointment for the following day but wanted a return call to schedule a new appointment. Nobody called me back. Then they tried to charge me a "time charge" for the appointment I had scheduled but supposedly never canceled. I received 2 bills at my house and I tried calling about them, but nobody ever called back on that, either. I finally called and left a message saying they would never get paid if I didn't get a return call with explanation and left my cell number because I wasn't going to be home. Guess where they called. Twice. Within 30 minutes of each other.

Oh well. I really do need to be seeing someone - a therapist, counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist or something, but I just can't do it right now. I got paid 4 days ago and now have $20 to last me until the 15th. Needless to say, mental health care is always going to take a backseat to having utilities and food. It hasn't always been that way, but bad shit happens if you don't eat, so I had to change my priorities.

I'm glad to be back home with the dogs because I know they need me. Honestly, though, it was nice to be gone and have no responsibilities. It was a dick move to pass it off onto my father, but I'm just so stressed out and teetering on the edge that I just couldn't handle much right then. And I still can't, but I don't have a choice. They're acting out due to my absenteeism and they deserve better than they've gotten over the last couple of weeks.

The camper project is a mess. It was going so well, and it was looking like it would be ready ahead of schedule, until Troy ripped into the siding to replace a rotted piece of plywood. And then we figured out that the bathroom essentially had no floor under a dummy sheet of plywood. Like, if I had jumped on that plywood, I would have gone through the floor all the way to the ground.

The air conditioner was fixed with a relatively easy bearing switch-out, only to fail somewhere else. Troy thought it was the capacitor (wtf?!), his electrician neighbor thought it was the capacitor, but the guy at the electronics specialty warehouse tested them and said they were good, so it must be something else. It's like a different language to me anyway, so I don't fucking know. All I know is that the A/C was working, and now it's not, and nobody can figure out why.

I climbed up on the bunk part to paint the wall and ceiling. The whole thing collapsed. The frame apparently flexed because the wooden structure of the camper itself is rotted. The bunk support was a) coming out of the rotted wall paneling and studs and, b) wasn't even touching the fold-out bunk at this point because the metal frame on bottom of the camper had flexed and the wall was essentially in a whole different place - like, 2 inches further out than it was before.

The rats had chewed through every fucking wire in the camper (which isn't much. the wiring system consists of, literally, like maybe 8 wires throughout?), and I think that may be contributing to the non-working refrigerator, the tripping breakers, the A/C's unreliability...and if Troy can't rerun wire, how are we going to be able to accurately assess the appliances? I know he wanted the A/C to run first so I could work in chillin' comfort, but if it's not getting reliable power, then how will it run? But he gets in a mode when he's working and doesn't really listen to me.

So, my little $250 camper project has already surpassed the $1000 mark and is quickly approaching the "Holy Fuck What the Hell Did I Get Myself Into and How the Hell Do I Get Out of It" mark. Troy feels responsible for it since he bought it while I was out of town. I told him, "I trust your judgment. Buy it if you think it's worth it and I'll pay you when I get back." So he's upset because he feels like he made the decision to financially break me with this project and I keep telling him it's not his fault. He has paid for a lot of the repairs and materials we've used so far. He uses his truck to tow the damned thing around. It's his driveway, tools, air compressor, and time we're using up to work on this thing. There's no way I could have gotten even half this far without his help, so I don't know. I just appreciate him so much and am so grateful for his generosity and kindness...he doesn't get it.

In the meantime, everything else is sucking. I keep hoping I'll hear back from someone about any of the 15 or so jobs I've applied for. So far, I've gotten only one rejection form letter - from BP! And nothing else.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. Things are pretty boring around here except for the domestic bullshit and camper catastrophe. Hope all's well with y'all...
.