Why I Didn't Fuck Lee Ving

I was a gorgeous, slim, svelte 85-pound 19-year old who could drink just about anyone under the table and had no fear whatsoever when it came to taking various illegal substances. I was all about the local music scene and I loved revisiting my punk roots as often as I could by watching bands play. I was working in a bar and begged my boss like crazy to let me off work early so I could go to the divey-est of dive bars to see two of my favorite bands play. One was a local band where almost all the members were friends of mine and they were playing with Fear. Fear has always been one of my most favorite bands of all time - mostly because of Lee Ving.

 

image by Guy Webster

*sighs* Even now, viewing his image sends my heart all a-flutter. Yes, he's considerably older than me but, fuck...he's Lee Ving. So when my friend Chris told me his band would be playing with Fear and I was invited to hang out after the show with them backstage, I knew precisely what that meant and I told Chris I was all in. So I begged, pleaded, almost cried, and worked a ridiculously stupid deal with my boss so he'd let me go early. And as soon as 9:00 rolled around, I ran the fuck out of there as fast as my truck would take me.

Before the show, Chris called me over to the edge of the stage as they were setting up. "So, you're gonna stay after, right? Lee really wants to meet you..."

"Of course I'm staying. And then go wherever."

"Cool. This is gonna be a great show!"

"Yep. Good luck, and come find me after your teardown."

And then I went to the bar. And then I went to the corner and did a couple bumps of coke. And then I smoked a few cigarettes and went back to the bar.

Admittedly, Lee looked a tad bit older than I'd remembered him last but, fuck...he's Lee Ving. Despite my two-year relationship with a guy who turned out to be a total fucking loser who was almost twice my age anyway, I was fully prepared to engage in whatever deviant, hedonistic activities Lee was into. I was so excited that I almost couldn't focus on the band playing in anticipation of it just being over. I seriously could not contain myself.

Both bands were amazing. The stage presence was great and I heard all the songs I wanted to hear. The crowd was rowdy and aggressive and the spirits were high. It was good. After Fear was done, Chris came out to tell me that they were going to clean up, get some drinks and food back there, and he'd come back out and get me when they were ready. "Lee said he thinks you're really pretty and he can't wait to get you backstage." For real? ME? Fucking sweet. I hope he rips my panties off... All of a sudden I felt a calm wash over me. I was SO ready. I remember calling my friend on my huge-ass Nokia brick cell phone to tell her what was going on and that was pretty much the last thing I remember in a normal sense.

That's when I hit the floor and began seizing.

Now, I knew I had some undiagnosed seizure disorder and yes, it did have a tendency to strike at ALL the wrong times. My doctor said it could be brought on by a very fast drop in blood pressure but, due to my numerous head injuries from the past, they just couldn't be sure. I could usually feel them coming on but I think the atmosphere of the club distracted me from the warning signs.

At first people thought I was OD'ing. For a few moments, so did I. It's not like I hadn't been shoving coke up my nose and Crown and Coke down my throat all night. People started laughing and kicking me and pouring their beer on me. The buzzing in my ears kept getting louder and louder and drowned out the crowd's jeers. I tried to explain what was happening, but my jaws were clenched tight and I had no control over myself.

The paramedics showed up pretty quickly, because I was still unable to respond or stand on my own. I was shivering so badly that the bartender had poked a hole in a garbage bag to put over my head. They tried to make me get in the ambulance but I refused. They made me call my boyfriend and he came to pick me up.

All of this time, Chris knew there was some kind of huge incident going on, but didn't know it was me. And so, obviously, Lee's penis and I didn't get a chance to get acquainted.

Either way, it's a sad story. I've never been a groupie in the sexual leech scenester sense. There have been bands that I've followed from the beginning and become friends with members, and supported them all the way. I've never slept with a band member of any fame just because of who they were. This...that would have been the exception to that rule. He's not the hottest man anymore but, then again, I don't look like that bombshell I used to be, either. No, I wouldn't fuck Lee Ving at this stage of the game, anyway. Things are different now.

I always wondered that if I HAD been able to go through with it, if I'd asked him for his phone number after all of it, if he would have said, "I don't care about you...fuck you." I'm guessing he probably wouldn't - too cliche - but I could still imagine the words coming out of his mouth.

image from Vans Warped Tour 2010