Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I feel pretty bad. Last night I made the decision to 'break up' with a blogger I've been reading for years. Maybe some of y'all know who Crystal of "Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper" is. Maybe you've just read stuff written about her. She was part of the BlogHer network at one time. Well, I had to quit her.

Her blog was the first one I found via the Internet (rather than an online blogging community) way back when. I don't remember the first post I read by her, but I remember laughing until I cried. I felt like we had a little bit in common after reading her Crazy Chronicles. That's how she became a favorite. As all of you know, if you frequent a blog that's very personal and autobiographical, you begin to become a little emotionally invested. I felt a little bit like the viewing audience depicted in the movie "The Truman Show." Crystal's life - what she chose to share of it - evoked emotion from me.

I was aware that her husband also blogged, and many of her readers enjoyed reading both halves of that marriage. That was never my thing, so I never even looked at his page. Being a voyeur into someone's life is bad enough, but seeing two sides of the story sort of felt like being a peeping tom outside their bedroom window; that was taking it too far for me. In addition, I never really read any of the comments her readers left. That also seemed a little prying - regardless of the fact that it's out there for the world to see. What was the point? You don't respond to a comment on someone else's blog anyway.

Anyway, I've noticed particularly over the last few months that there would be posts, nasty comments, and then the post would be removed, and a new post up, referring to the old one that was removed, and addressing the nasty comments, and the ability to leave comments was removed. There's a lot of gossip online about this woman's blog, for some reason, with people slamming her and judging her all over the place. I'm not here to be disrespectful of her or have a bashfest, I'm just writing this because this situation is something I've been thinking about for the blogging community as a whole.

Basically, this woman puts every intimate detail of her life out for the world to read. Some of it is very sensitive and personal in nature. Then, her husband also posts about these events (supposedly - i've never witnessed it, as i said). Then she wants to get upset when people make negative comments about something she's done or said. And she gets all reactionary. And more drama ensues.

I'm sure Crystal's is not the only blog where this happens. But what I came to realize this week is that I really have a problem trusting her now. When you post something and it's relates a horrific story, and then people react badly to it, and you delete the entry, and then say it never happened and blame it all on hallucinations and whatnot, why should I believe any of what you've written? How do I know you don't post about delusions all the time? Or how do I know that you don't just make this stuff up? You know what they say: there is no such thing as bad publicity.

This last post that was sort of the camel and the straw thing was about a dog. Something very bad went down between Hubs and Crystal, and there was a negative consequence for the dog. Then, there are new posts saying that it was all in her imagination - part of a drug-induced hallucination - and that nothing really happened to the dog. I'm not judging whether or not it's true, but what repelled me at this point is the fact that she would post it at all. I can understand full disclosure but, I mean, come on. Then to say it was all untrue? I felt like she was jacking with my emotions and that didn't feel good.

I guess my main point here is that I just don't feel like I should waste my time reading a blog that seems contrived, fabricated, or insincere. I'm not saying that Crystal isn't a good person because, honestly, regardless of the years I've been reading, I don't truly know her. What I am saying is that I find it hard to watch a trainwreck that seems as if it's largely the conductor's fault. If you lay your entire life out for the world to read, you simply can't get upset with the comments. And if you choose to show the ugly side, you can't just delete it because some people don't agree with it. I mean, what's the purpose of a blog anyway? For me, it's about catharsis and commiserating and entertainment. For others, especially those with ad-intensive blogs, I believe it's about generating income. I'm not about that.

The blogs I follow are largely comedic in nature. I also like some of the more introspective, soulful blogs. Then, I have a few that are a combination of both. There are a few blogs I read that are geared towards a specific interest I have. My favorites, by far, are the personal blogs, though. I want a peek into personal lives so I can say either, "Wow. At least I'm not as fucked up as THAT guy!" or perhaps, "Thank GOD. I thought I was the only one who felt this way about ___." I don't want to feel cheated, lied to, strung along, or as if the blogger is pandering to their readers. Writing to an audience is one thing; writing FOR the audience is another.

Anyway, I guess I'm just disappointed. I don't like drama - even when it's of my own creation - and I don't read blogs to get all stressed out or agitated. That's what began to happen when I'd log on to that blog and see a rebuttal post - especially when the original one had been removed and I had no idea what the uproar was about. I just can't do it anymore. So, I'm sorry, "B, I, & DP," but I'm afraid I just can't read you anymore. It's not you - it's me. Well, maybe a little of both of us.