Identity Crisis

In this portion of Stillie's diary, she's going to make fun of yet another student and, most probably, real adult regular people too. She's going to talk smack about others in an attempt to make herself feel better about her life. Let's see if it works!

There was this kid put out of the classroom next to me today, and I almost tripped over my feet because I was staring at him, trying to figure out what the HELL was going on with this kid.

Let me first say that I am so sick of these thug-ass pieces of shit sagging skinny jeans and wearing studded belts with Jordans and an Ecko Unlimited t-shirt. But this...this was weird.

Let's go over this one, top to bottom.

For starters, this douche-in-training was sporting a fauxhawk, just like this guy's. Just look at his smugness.

I absolutely hate this atrocity of the scalp. I don't give a shit how hot you are or how many promises of a big dick you make, there is no amount of words that can right the wrong of a fauxhawk. I mean, really. Are you hardcore, or not? If you use any kind of wax in your hair to push your hair up into a nipple, then no...you are most certainly NOT.

Even I had the balls to SHAVE my head into a mohawk. For Christ's sake...they're men! I'm not. GRAB A RAZOR. Let me guess...you also like My Chemical Romance and Good Charlotte and get all your 'underground gear' at Hot Topic, right?! *gags*

Next in line on the slow descent downhill, we come across a classic Affliction t-shirt. This is almost as bad as seeing some fat-ass drunk driving around in his 1996 Chevy Silverado with a "Tap-Out" sticker on the back window. What I really want to know is how this Title I, Free & Reduced Lunch kid decided that buying a $50 t-shirt was a good use of what was probably my tax dollars anyway, considering most of them are on welfare.

Yeah, your Affliction is bad judgment and shitty fashion sense and an even worse nose for value...

So, now he's a double-douche because of the fauxhawk and UFC-endorsed, overpriced tee. What else can we see here?

Seeing as how we're in the ghetto, there is NO WAY we could get away without him throwing his little gang-banger spin on this. The workpant of choice for all the non-working Cholos in the 'hood: sagging Dickies!

Black or tan ONLY, otherwise you just look like a UPS driver...

If I could have that split-screen thing like they did on...what was it...Sesame Street? "One of these things is not like the other...one of these things just isn't the same..." or whatever the fuck...that's what I'd do here. Because in the realm of douchiness, Dickies don't factor in. Unless, I guess, you're a Cholo Douche. The worst part: I actually liked Dickies, until I saw what our little gangstas did to them

And, to round off the Identity Crisis Fashion Show, we have the FOOTWEAR CATEGORY!

 

 And yes, I actually liked these too. Oops. Another thing ruined by the shitasses at my school. Along with, like, every NAME I've ever wanted for a child of my own - or even a DOG.

Yes. Uber-Preppy Ralph Lauren Polo duck boots. Nothing says octagon fighting like a pair of Ralph Lauren boots! You'll look good at your arraignment for running a train on a Chola who wanted to be sexed in when you're sporting your Polo duck boots!

I should probably stop while I'm behind. I'm sure I'm offending someone, somewhere, and they're getting all ruffled because some totally anonymous woman on the Internet with a blog that only 3 people read said something derogatory about Hot Topic. Or Good Charlotte. Or Cholos.

Today, when I left work, there was a white guy walking down the street wearing tan Dickies, sagging, of course, with a wifebeater on, walking a bulldog on a chain and carrying a fucking live chicken in the other arm. Your guess is as good as mine, as it was truly a chicken and not a rooster. You can't really cockfight with a chicken.

I have quite a bit more stupidity from my job today, but I just don't have the energy to post it. I don't really want to relive it, seeing as how it was so painful the first time around...