Scott Status

Ugh. I didn't want to write about this, really, but a few people have asked me what's going on with Scott, so I figured y'all probably do deserve an update. I know I've been evasive.

We continued to talk. He got the CD and decided that I must indeed love him. He insisted on telling me that every time we talked and when we hung up. He would get mad at me if I didn't say it back, so I started. Just because.

Let me be perfectly honest here: I was totally digging the attention, but I knew I could never let it go anywhere. I am not even remotely in love with him and, frankly, I don't even love him as a person. I just said it to give him just a little bit more. I still feel the remnants of the feelings I used to have for him, but that was for a relationship that was all a lie and for a man I apparently didn't really know.

Yeah, I guess you could say I began stringing him along.

And myself, too, because I suppose I just wanted to see how far he would take it, to see how much I could get from him, to see what he'd give. I just can't resist being adored, or the attention, and that's kinda all it takes to get me to respond.

So I continued to call him each day when I got out of work, and we'd still text into the evening. We made plans to get together on the weekend sometime but, as y'all know, I've been busy. He was getting frustrated because I wouldn't just drop everything when he'd decide to take a day off or whatever.

But he still continued to "disappear." Long, unexplained periods of non-communication, and then he'd reappear with little to no fanfare. Sometimes he'd say he had a headache and went to bed early, sometimes he'd say he took his son out to eat and left his phone at home...always an excuse.

Hmm. All seems a bit familiar. I've been down this road before. He admitted that he was still married, but I'm 90% sure that, even if she was living somewhere else, that she came back to the house. Based on his pattern of disappearing and reappearing, he was ignoring my texts after she got home from work, and picked them back up while she was in the shower or went to bed. Usually, I was already in bed too by the time he started returning my texts. I could set my watch by how it happened, too.

So I continued playing along. I mean, hell...what else do I have to do?

I'll be truthful about this part, too. I desperately wanted him to give me a reason to trust him. I wanted him to go out of his way to prove to me that I could try it again with him and not be crushed. I wanted to believe that I was all he'd ever wanted. So I gave him the chances.

So, last weekend, he said he wanted to come down and spend Saturday with me, cruising Galveston. I told him Saturday wasn't going to work, because I was going to have brunch with my grandfather, Mom, and The Boy. I explained that I haven't been talking to my granddad nearly as much since school started, and this brunch was a necessity and non-negotiable. He tried to talk me out of it, but I wasn't going to change my plans for him, of course. Not when my family's involved.

So eventually, Friday night, he said he would come down on Sunday and we could get together. I told him we needed to plan out how we were going to do it, and he said okay. Everything was all lovey-dovey and gooey, and I figured everything was fine.

But then on Saturday, when I was texting him, he was ignoring me. Eventually he sent one back, saying something rude about me standing him up. It all kind of went downhill from there, and I made a snide comment about how everything is always all about him, and that if he really wanted to see me, he'd work WITH my schedule, instead of expecting me to drop everything.

And then I didn't really say anything to him until Wednesday. I knew he had the day off, so I sent him a few texts. Nothing. Then he sent something about how I make it too hard, that he just doesn't have it in him to try and that he just can't do it.

I basically told him that was probably why none of his relationships ever work: because it DOES take work. I wished him luck with the toothless, inbred gold-diggers up there in East Texas and reminded him that if he ever wanted a real woman who was more than just a warm hole, he could call.

But then he wanted to continue on with the BS. So it became this back-and-forth thing where he tried to tell me that I was too high-maintenance and I expected too much out of him, and that he tried all he possibly knew how to and so on.

I reminded him that he had done absolutely nothing except buy me lunch one time, disappear, not return phone calls, and refused to take me into consideration when trying to schedule meet-ups. That certainly doesn't equal "all he possibly knew how to." I guess I was a little mean, and that's okay. He kept trying to keep it open to future interactions and I basically told him, "You think you know me. You don't. I've got 10 years of improvement under my belt since last we spoke. The difference between the old Stillie and the newer Stillie is that I don't need a man. You just can't be alone, which is why you've cheated on every woman you've been with. I don't need you or your childish games. I'm better off without you, that's for sure."

I ended up saying something about "at least The Boy's trying to save our relationship, and I need to be party to that," or something to that effect. I got back a text that said, "A-HA! I knew The Boy was the reason you were holding back!"

I said, "No, Scott. I was holding back because I don't trust you and I'm not going to ditch my entire life for you, after you waltzed back in a month ago."

We finally ended all of it the other day when he said something about "that's okay. next time i'm down in your town, we can still go grab a steak, right? your friend, scott."

I told him to shove it, that he wasn't my friend and if he had the urge to contact me again in another 10 years, to lose that idea. So he said, "Fine. I will lose your number. Good bye forever A****."

Finally. I'm through with these stupid, childish games, I thought. But then, I log on my Facebook today to accept a friend request, and what do I see there? A final, pathetic attempt at a jab at me. "Now I know why I left 10 years ago," he says.

Oh, whatever. He left because he was a liar and a cheater and I caught him and literally ran his ass out of town. He did it again this time because I didn't fall at his feet, give in to him, and give him a way out of his current situation.

His wishy-washy attitude was driving me crazy. One minute he'd be all "how's my baby this morning?" and calling me his girlfriend and shit. Then he'd say shit like, "That's okay if you don't want to come up here today. I 'll just leave you alone, then. Good bye A****..." and do that passive-aggressive bull.

First off, I don't like people making decisions like that for me. Don't tell me I won't like something, or that it's not good enough for me, or whatever. I have a mind. I can use it. I'll decide what I do and don't want, thanks.

He said he had petitioned for divorce and that he had a lawyer. He told me he was legally separated. Well, that's a lie, because there is no such thing as "legal separation" in the state of Texas. He knows I went through a divorce! Why would he try to lie about shit when I know the truth?! And he went on to say that he wasn't sure if the lawyer had filed or not, that he didn't know if she was going to be served, and so on. He refused to talk about specifics of the petition because he said all he wanted was to keep his house, his cars, and his business. She could have all the rest - he didn't care. He just wanted it over with. All of it was a lie. If she really did cheat on him, wreck his Vette in a drunken stupor, and move out of his house and into another man's house, am I really expected to believe that he's not going to outline specifics in the petition or even know its current status? If she fucked him over that hard, would he really just let her have everything? FUCK NO. My ex husband didn't even cheat on me, and I stripped him of every thing I possibly could. I debilitated him in every possible way. No way would Scott just roll over and let her ruin him. His first wife did that. He wouldn't let it happen again.

I eventually came to realize that Scott came up with every excuse in the book to run away. He wanted me to chase him, to beg him, to tell him how much I wanted him and needed him. Not once did I ever say stuff like that. When he realized that I wasn't the co-dependent, weak, and incapable person I used to be, he realized he couldn't lie to me and get away with it. He knew I wouldn't let him use me as a doormat. All of a sudden, that wasn't quite as attractive to him anymore.

If I really wanted to fuck up his life, I could totally do it. I have his wife's parents' numbers, her brother's, and I found both his daughter's and his son's email addresses. I could make it so that his life would be a living hell for awhile. I'm vindictive. So why am I not doing it? Because I just don't give enough of a shit.

Part of me wants to. I mean, I can keep sending letters and eventually someone besides him will get it out of the mailbox. But why? He's miserable, living a jacked up life of his own creation, and he'll continue to suffer because he's a dishonest adulterer. He's a liar. He hasn't changed one bit and he will suffer the consequences of that.

And then, just a few days ago, I got a text from him that said, "Hi baby." And he just started all over again. He's been texting me all evening, talking about how he's sitting in his chair with Pup-Pup, crying, listening to the CD I made him because it's just all so true, and he can't live without me and he needs me now.

HE'S MADDENING AND I WANT IT TO EITHER STOP OR NOT. I hate wishy-washy people.

So that's where we're at right now. And there's no chance of seeing him this weekend; it's The Boy's birthday. I'm off all next week and don't have to go back to work until November 30th. Of course, Scott's off all next week too, so we'll see if he tries to weasel his way down here to see me. I keep telling him that actions speak louder, so if he really loves me, he'll prove it by doing instead of just saying and not doing. *snorts* It's so funny to fuck with this guy, because I know he's sitting there reading that going, "Damn. I don't want to have to try at anything..."

I shall let y'all know how it goes...
.