What Happens in Vegas...

I wish I could say that something exciting happened to me today. I can't.

I slept late, masturbated, ate breakfast, laid around on the couch and surfed the 'net. Until my friend Gretel called.

Seems that she got a little tipsy at a pool party yesterday and lost her keys. All of them. Good bye, Honda key. Farewell, Ford key. So long, house keys! Adieu, key to Mom's house! So she couldn't drive home.

The kicker is that she wasn't in her own vehicle; she was driving her fiance Jerry's truck. Fiance is out of town - in Vegas, to be precise - at his bachelor's party!

Long story short, I, Stillie the Problem Solver, managed to help her get a locksmith down to the truck (which was also sporting a bright, shiny new parking ticket because the bimbo parked in the wrong direction on the street), helped her figure out what to do with her car, and helped her disconnect the horns on her vehicle so she could drive it to the dealership with the valet key without the alarm going crazy.

It sounded a lot funnier when I told it to The Boy. Sorry. I guess it lost something in the translation.

I mentioned to her, however, that perhaps it was not Jerry that needed to keep all his secrets in Vegas, but that she needed to keep her secrets too.

The only thing that would have made this better was if she was cheating on Jerry when all this happened. I mean, Jerry's a jerk, and I wish she wouldn't marry him, and everybody but Gretel seems to know that he's in Vegas right now, getting his dick sucked by half a dozen women - at minimum. I wouldn't be surprised if he's been fucking other people, too.

The last time he went to Vegas with this group of guys, his best friend and frat buddy knocked up a girl who wasn't his wife. Now he lives with BabyMama and Wife refuses to divorce him because of the massive amounts of money he makes. Cheater is having the time of his life, because Wife keeps fucking him, assuming that, some day, he'll come back home and choose her, BUT he's also still getting it from BabyMama and having the time of his life playing them off each other. They'll do anything he asks them to by just mentioning that the other one does it. It's sick. Sick, Sally Jesse Raphael shit.

And these are the kinds of quality people Jerry hangs with. So I'm sure he's hitting as much skank twat as he possibly can, especially since Gretel is admittedly a good girl and is rather sexually repressed and inexperienced. Jerry - I've heard him talk when he thought I wasn't listening - wishes she were more...um...adventurous.

Wow. How did this turn into a Jerry Slamfest? Sorry. I just don't like the guy and think Gretel could do so much better. Perhaps with a man who is just as naive as she is.

I have been incredibly bored outside of that. I'm thinking that tomorrow I may hit up a few Goodwill centers and see if I can find some new clothes. Well, new-to-me. I need some shorts, jeans, and some sweaters (for when I start back up at work). If I can find some other stuff for cheap, then more power to me.

That's actually pretty sad, because spending money is the absolute last thing I need to be doing.

I'm outta here -